Facebook and Divorce: Airing the Dirty Laundry

Not long after Patrick told his wife Tammie he wanted a divorce, she posted an angry, hurt note on "the wall," or public-comments section, of his Facebook page. Embarrassed that his colleagues, clients, church friends and family could see evidence of his marital woes, he deleted it and blocked his wife from seeing his page. A couple of days later, the IT worker in Florida--who asked that his last name not be used in this story — found alarmed messages from two Facebook friends in his inbox. Tammie had used a mutual friend's account to view Patrick's wall and e-mailed several women he had had exchanges with. He says her e-mails were borderline defamatory. She says they merely noted that he was married with children, a fact he had left off his Facebook profile. Either way: Ouch.

For those who want to connect or reconnect with others, social-networking sites are a huge, glorious honeypot. But for those who are disconnecting, they can make things quite sticky. And as the age of online-social-network users creeps up, it overlaps more with the age of divorce-lawyer users, resulting in the kind of semipublic laundry-airing that can turn aggrieved spouses into enraged ones and friends into embarrassed spectators.


Lawyers, however, love these sites, which can be evidentiary gold mines. Did your husband's new girlfriend Twitter about getting a piece of jewelry? The court might regard that as marital assets being disbursed to a third party. Did your wife tell the court she's incapable of getting a job? Then your lawyer should ask why she's pursuing job interviews through LinkedIn.
Battles over finances and custody remain the Iwo Jima and Stalingrad of divorce cases. Opposing lawyers will press any advantage they have, and personal information on sites like Facebook, MySpace and LinkedIn is like decoded bulletins from enemy territory. "It's now just routine for us to go over with clients whether they have an active presence on the Web and if they Twitter or have a MySpace page," says Joseph Cordell of Cordell & Cordell, a domestic-relations law firm with offices in 10 states. He advises his mostly male clients to scour their page — and their girlfriend's — for anything that could be used by their ex's legal team. Then Cordell studies the page of the soon-to-be ex-wife.
There's little the besmirched can do legally, unless there are children involved. Family-law courts routinely issue restraining orders to prevent one parent from disparaging another to a child. "The question is, If it's on the Internet, can that speech be blocked?" says Stephen Mindel, a managing partner at Feinberg, Mindel, Brandt & Klein in Los Angeles. "The First Amendment is going to come into conflict with the family-law courts."
Issuing an order to remove children's access to Facebook is pointless, says Chicago-based lawyer Jennifer Smetters. "The kids just go on a fishing expedition to find out what's so secret. And no child needs to see their parent being publicly humiliated." Smetters has seen cases where messages on a social-networking site were part of a harassment campaign that led to the court's issuing a civil order of protection.
It seems everybody — except perhaps some lawyers — would be better off if divorcing spouses gave each other some space on MySpace. But when confused, anguished people look for ways to work through their feelings, a social-networking site can be an almost irresistible venue.

Patrick and Tammie are still active on Facebook. So are decoupled East Coast residents Andrea and Adrian, even after "he told me he didn't have any money and then posted pictures of his new BMW bike," Andrea says. He says Facebook helped her stalk him. "It's had a very negative impact on our communication," he adds.
But there can be some positives. Tammie's friends post supportive messages on her Facebook page. And Patrick says he understands online social networks better now. "It's like putting everybody you know in the same room. I'm using it, but I'm much more careful."
"We had a custody case where a mom assured the court that she hadn't been drinking," recalls the Missouri-based attorney. "But her MySpace page had actual dated photos of her drinking — and smoking, which is also of interest." In another case, a mom had listed herself on a dating site as single with no kids, which Cordell's firm used to cast doubt on her truthfulness.
And that's just the courtroom stuff.

Half the fun of social-networking sites is the posting of personal news. The other half is the posting of personal opinion, something spurned spouses typically have in spades. MySpace and its ilk offer the giddying cocktail of being able to say something in the privacy of your home that will be publicly accessible, along with a chaser of instant gratification. All this at a time when people are often less than their best selves. On the walls of two Facebook groups — I Hate My Ex-Husband and I Hate My Ex-Wife, which together had been joined by 236 Facebook users as of early June — posts include all manner of (often misspelled) vitriol, including some colorful British slang: "my husband is ... a dirty smelly chavvy theivin alcoholic drug addict selfish scum bag" and "my ex wife is a no good lieing slag," each of which was posted alongside a smiling photograph of the commenter.
by time.com

What is a Dissolution of marriage or Divorce

Dissolution of marriage or Divorce is the termination of a marriage, canceling legal responsibilities and duties of marriage and melting away the bonds of matrimony between couples. In most nations, divorce necessitates the authorization of a judge or other authority in a legal process to finalize a divorce. A divorce does not affirm a marriage null and void, as in annulments, but divorce ends the marital status of a couple, permitting them to marry once again.

Divorce laws fluctuate significantly around the globe. Divorce is not allowed in some nations, such as in Malta and in the Philippines; however, an annulment is allowed.

The legal procedure for dissolution of marriage or divorce may also involve matters of child custody, spousal support, distribution of property, child support and division of debt, though these issues are usually only secondary or resulting from the divorce.

Some jurisdictions do not require a party to claim fault of their partner that leads to the divorce. Even in areas, which have adopted the "no fault" rule in divorce proceedings, a court may still take into account the actions of the parties when dividing the debts, property, evaluating custody, and support of children and spouse.

In most areas, a divorce must be granted by a court of law to become effective. The conditions of the divorce are usually decided by the court, though they may consider prenuptial agreements or postnuptial agreements, or approve agreements that the couple may have agreed to in private. In the nonexistence of understanding, a disputed divorce may be hectic to the spouses and lead to expensive legal action. Other methods to divorce resolutions have recently come into view, such as mediation and collaborative divorce, which settles jointly agreeable solutions to disagreements. In some other nations, like Portugal, when a couple agrees to divorce and to the conditions of the divorce, a non-judiciary administrative being can approve it. The effect of a divorce is that both parties are free to marry again.

In the United States, all states now expect parents to file a parenting plan when they divorce or legally separate.

DIVORCE/ LEGAL SEPARATION/ DISSOLUTION OF DOMESTIC PARTNERSHIPS/ ANNULMENTS:

DISSOLUTION OF MARRIAGE (DIVORCE OR MARITAL DISSOLUTION)
A dissolution of marriage, which is more commonly known as divorce, terminates the marriage of the spouses and resolves issues between them, including child custody, visitation, child support, spousal support, asset and debt distribution, former name restoration, and even restraining orders.

California is a NO-FAULT jurisdiction. Another words, the actual reasons for the marital breakdown is irrelevant. It is irrelevant whether one spouse or the other was at fault, or whether one spouse committed adultery. Also California does NOT have ABANDONMENT laws, and thus one spouse or the other may leave the home, and not be charged with abandonment.

LEGAL SEPARATION
Our Firm typically suggests a dissolution of marriage over a legal separation when the parties believe that their marriage has irreparably broken down. However, if this is not the case, Legal Separation is an alternative to the dissolution of marriage.

A Legal Separation resolves issues between the spouses, such as spousal support, child support, custody/ visitation, and the division of the community estate; however, Legal Separation does NOT terminate the marriage of the spouses so the spouses may NOT remarry. Also, if one files for Legal Separation, one does NOT have to meet the residency requirement in California, which is six months prior to filing for divorce. Often, people who seek legal separation do so for religious or personal reasons. One common reason to seek a Legal Separation instead of a dissolution (divorce) is that the parties retain eligibility for medical insurance that would otherwise be lost by a termination of the marriage. Interestingly, after a judgment of legal separation, the spouses do not acquire further community property and they do NOT owe each other any spousal duties of care and support except as ordered by the court pursuant to the judgment.

DISSOLUTION OF REGISTERED DOMESTIC PARTNERSHIPS:
Our Firm has handled Registered Domestic Partnerships, and has assisted in their dissolution. In many ways, the process is identical to that of a dissolution of marriage (divorce) Domestic partners are "two adults who have chosen to share one another's lives in an intimate and committed relationship of mutual caring." Persons of opposite sexes may not constitute a domestic partnership unless one or both of the persons are over the age of 62. Currently, the new Supreme Court case condones marriage between persons of the same sex.

ANNULMENTS (NULLITY)
An Annulment of marriage is also known as a Nullity and is often difficult to prove, unless there is substantial evidence that one of the following grounds is met: incest, bigamy, underage without parental consent, prior existing marriage, unsound mind, fraud, force, and/or incapacity. You may consult our Firm to see if you are eligible for an annulment. If you are granted an annulment, it is as if the marriage never happened.

ISSUES RELATED TO THE FAMILY:

PATERNITY
Our Firm strongly suggests that unmarried parents bring a Paternity Action to establish their biological ties to a child. Typically, if our Client has not been married, or is uncertain of whether or not their child or children are biologically theirs, we begin by opening a Paternity Action. In the State of California, if one does not pursue a Paternity Action within the first few years of the Child’s life, then a person loses the ability later in the child’s life to bring this action. Thus it is essential to bring this action early on.

A Paternity Action is held when the parties do not know who the actual father of the Child is. In California, you may establish the parentage of a child through any one of these avenues: Sign a Voluntary Declaration of Paternity, or ask the Court to establish Parentage. Usually, unmarried people file a Complaint to Establish Parental Relations. This is a legal action in California Superior Court that determines parenthood rights, child support, and establishes the future rights and privileges of parenting, i.e. a parenting plan, custody, visitation, and time-sharing arrangements.

RESTRAINING ORDERS (PROTECTIVE ORDERS)
Our firm is committed to obtaining justice for all of our Clients! Whether you are the victim, or the person wrongfully accused, we can help! We expeditiously & successfully prepare and defend restraining orders on a case by case basis. We understand the emotional and tragic consequences that occur if a restraining order is denied to a victim, or wrongfully placed on someone. We aggressively and carefully fight to preserve the integrity and rights of our Clients!

A person seeking a Family Law Restraining Order is considered a “protected person” and usually falls into one of the following categories: He or she is a spouse, cohabitant, is dating or engaged to the aggressor, is a coparent, child, or blood relative to the aggressor.
A “protected person” may obtain a restraining order if he or she has been abused.

The California Family Code Section 6203 defines abuse as the following: intentionally or recklessly causing or attempting to cause bodily injury, sexual assault, placing a person in "reasonable apprehension" of imminent serious bodily injury to that person or another or engaging in any behavior that has been or could be enjoined pursuant to California Family Code § 6320.
IF one is granted a temporary restraining order one may obtain temporary custody, child abduction prevention orders, protective orders where child sexual abuse is alleged, assaultive conduct & Property destruction orders, an order excluding a party from "the family dwelling, firearms restraining order, wiretap order, restitution orders, orders to attend a batterer’s program, harassment/ stalking orders, an order determining the temporary care and control of any minor child of the endangered person and the person against whom the order is sought (Ca Fam § 6252(b))

CHILD CUSTODY
We take extreme caution with Child Custody and Visitation rights, and devote our efforts to looking for what is in the best interest of the children. We help both mothers and fathers maintain and/or create a significant bond with their child. We handle child custody matters expeditiously. Our mother and father clients alike appreciate our consideration, but objectiveness in pursuing custody and/or visitation.
It is important to recognize that California Courts only have jurisdiction over natural born or adopted children. They do NOT have jurisdiction to hear the custody request of a stepparent. Thus a stepparent does NOT have any custody and or visitation rights over their stepchild.
Two forms of custody or Legal and Physical Custody. These terms are often confused and misused; however, if you would like to see what best suits you, you may contact our Firm for more information of the type of custody you would like to seek.

CHILD VISITATION
We can help you decide what is in the best interest of the child as far as visitation with the factors at hand. You will never be alone. You will always have someone to guide you!
Visitation is often awarded to the non-custodial parent, or the parent who does not have primary custody. Typically, child visitation is alternate weekends, which include midweek visits. However, there are many options to the parenting schedule that a parent may pursue. Our Firm will help you in coming up with a parenting plan that best fits your needs, and more importantly, the needs of your children.

CHILD SUPPORT
In California, both parents have a legal duty to provide financial support for their children. Child support is a formula, and is essentially based on two factors 1) the income of the parents, and 2) the time that each parent spends with their child. The court may order either or both parents to make ongoing payments to cover a child’s living and medical expenses. If there is no current court ordered custody or visitation, our Firm encourages and advised that parents seek to obtain one. Without a custody/ visitation order, then the timeshare of each parent will be an estimate, and may not be accurately calculated. Our Firm will help ensure that all factors are including in the formula, including but not limited to hardships, mandatory retirement payments, health care premiums, spousal support and child support from another marriage, and property taxes.